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Positive Self-Talk and Why Kind Words Matter

Positive Self-Talk and Why Kind Words Matter


Words are powerful things. In this article we explore the importance of positive self-talk and why kind words matter, not just for loved ones, but for yourself too.


This week I shouted at my kids and they shouted back. It’s not something I’m proud of and really I should have found a different way to vent my frustrations and get my point across. Yet, I got caught up in my own tired and angry emotions and shouted.

My kids shouted back and, in many ways, I can’t blame them. They were only following my example and giving back as good as they received.

It’s definitely not my finest parenting moment, but it happened. We all apologised, talked it through and made things better. However, the whole episode made me think…

Firstly, I know I’m prone to shouting when I’m tired and cranky. It was a note-to-self to think before I shout. That shouting achieves nothing except to upset us all. I don’t want my children to hear me shout. They need better parenting and although I know I’m not perfect (and that’s ok), I’ll do my best to be calm and gentle but firm and tough when needed. Shouting, I decided, is not the solution.

This, in turn, made me come to my second thought. If I love my kids and want to change my behaviour towards them, why don’t I always do the same for myself? Of course, I love my kids more than anything in the world, but… I also love myself.

So, why don’t I choose the words I use to talk to myself as carefully as I try to choose the words I say to my kids and loved ones?

In this article I encourage you (and I!) to be more thoughtful and intentional in our use of language and tone. After all, positive self-talk is much more likely to bring about positive action and change – the cornerstone of a simple, intentional life.


One of my favourite sayings to quote at my kids when they’re feeling sad, anxious, angry or down is this…

“How you think about things determines how you feel about them.”

When I think about it, it’s not just how you think which changes the meaning, but it’s the words we use when we give voice to those thoughts.

What words do you use to describe those thoughts? Are they positive and empowering or negative and detrimental? Do they encourage, inspire and motivate or hurt, punish and deprecate?

The words we use to describe and put voice to our thoughts and, in turn, our feelings determine our approach, decision, action and ultimately the consequence.

Speak kind words to yourself and cultivate positive self-talk like you would speak kind words to your kids and see what a difference it makes to your mindset and attitude.

Jen Cincero quote


Here are some reasons why I think positive self-talk is important, especially in a tough world that requires us to be, do and achieve ‘all the things’.

1. It encourages better receipt and impact

Choosing your words carefully sets your intention for how you hope those words are going to be received and the result you trust they’ll have. Choosing your words deliberately and carefully will have more impact than just a string of words with no energy behind them.

Putting it another way, if you want something done (either by you or someone else), you’re much more likely to get it done if you ask in a nice way rather than an angry-barking-orders kind of way. The energy and impact is different and ultimately the result will reflect that.

2. Allows for forgiveness and human error

We’re human, we get things wrong sometimes and the world is a demanding place so we don’t always get it right.

Instead of beating yourself up because you did something wrong, be kind to yourself like you probably would be to someone else. Forgive yourself for making a mistake or forgetting something. Does it really matter in the long run and wouldn’t it be better to learn from it, rather than chastising yourself for it?

Talk to yourself gently, with forgiveness and encouragement and you’ll encourage a better result next time.

3. It’s a crucial part of self-love and self-compassion

We speak kind words to others because it’s part of our love language. We consider the feelings of others when we choose our words carefully so as not to hurt or upset people we care about. We generally try to think about what and how we’re saying something before we say it.

Practice self-love on yourself because you need love too. You’re not a machine and you’re not invincible. You’re emotional, soulful and complex. Love yourself and you have much more capability and resources to love others and continue doing the things you need to do. Positive self-talk does much to protect our mental health.

4. Helps build positive thinking

Sometimes life feels heavy and full of challenges. Positive thinking and a positive mindset helps us overcome problems, cultivate an optimistic approach, enjoy the present and look forward to the future. It’s difficult to think positively when your language is negative.

5. Set a good example

If you’re always putting yourself or others down, hyper-critical and negative then the people in our lives, especially our kids, pick up on that. Be supportive, encouraging, give constructive criticism when it’s due, but avoid harsh words that don’t help or serve anyone.

6. Inspiring positive action

As Jen Sincero writes in her book You Are A Badass, “Our thoughts become our words, our words become our beliefs, our beliefs become our actions, our actions become our habits and our habits become our realities.”

Negative, mean, inward-looking words can easily become the reality of our life if we don’t stay mindful of the words we use. That’s not the focused, intentional, fun-filled, inspiring life that I think many of us would prefer.

Positive self-talk and why it matters


Here are some ways you can practice positive self-talk.

  • Count to ten – Take a deep breath, count to ten and think about what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it.
  • Practice in the mirror – Rehearse your lines, imagine you’re having a conversation with your best friend and imagine what he or she would say in response.
  • Use affirmations – Positive self-talk doesn’t happen overnight if you’re used to being tough on yourself. Daily affirmations will help your brain become familiar with saying nice things, believing in yourself and manifesting your hopes and dreams.
  • Walk away and come back to it later – Don’t make an impulse reaction you’ll later regret. Get a change of scene and revisit the situation when you’re feeling more at peace.
  • Identify the root – What’s bothering you or making you feel angry, frustrated or stressed out? Find the underlying problem, take steps to deal with it and kind words will come much more easily as you begin to feel better.
  • Be grateful – Feel gratitude for all that you have and focus on the good things about your life instead of dwelling on the bad.
  • Develop habits for positive thinking – Here are some helpful habits to gently help you build a more positive mindset in your every day.


Do you practice positive self-talk and what do you do to be kind to yourself? Or do you find yourself being overly tough, harsh or critical with yourself? I’d love to hear from you so please leave a comment below.


I’m Antonia and on this blog I share practical inspiration to simplify your home, time and life. Follow me on InstagramFacebook and Pinterest! You can also subscribe to Balance Through Simplicity and receive regular simplicity tips straight to your inbox for free. Make sure you never miss an article plus you’ll get a copy of my free Declutter Starter Kit as a welcome gift!