11 GENTLE WAYS TO BE KIND TO YOURSELF

Here are 11 gentle ways to be kind to yourself. Simple ideas you can practice regularly to show your body and mind some kindness, respect and self-compassion.

A LITTLE HONESTY FIRST!

Before we dive into this article on how to be kind to yourself, I think I’d better be completely honest. In the past I’ve been guilty of not practicing what I preach. I’ve always found it difficult to be kind to myself. I put everyone before me and then wondered why I felt so tired, frustrated or worn down.

That is, until I learnt that being kind to yourself isn’t a luxury or something you do when you’re ill or hit rock bottom. Even more than that, showing some compassion and self-love to your body and mind doesn’t have to be complicated or out of reach when busy life is pulling you this way and that.

Here’s what I’ve learnt and some tips on how to be kind to yourself.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE KIND TO YOURSELF?

First off, one of the reasons I struggled with being kind to myself was that I didn’t really understand what the term meant. Did it mean buying a bunch of flowers, treating myself with a trip to the shops, taking a nap when I was feeling tired, or did it mean something else?

Yes, of course it can mean these things but when I tried them out for myself, they didn’t really work as well as I’d hoped.

Short term they addressed a need:

• Flowers to make my home look prettier and distract myself and others from the mess
• A trip to the shops because surely I’d be happier when I had another pair of shoes or another pair of jeans
• A nap to beat that familiar weariness that I carried with me like a sack of potatoes through the day

However, the problem with all these supposed acts of self-kindness was that they were short-lived and only fixed the problem temporarily. A bit like sticking a plaster over a wound. They didn’t address the root cause of why I needed a boost in the first place and that’s why they didn’t work long term.

So, even though flowers, shopping and a nap can be lovely ways to do things just for you, I think being truly kind to yourself runs much deeper.

SELF-LOVE AND SELF-COMPASSION

Self-kindness is about self-love and self-compassion. It’s about listening to your body and mind and what it needs on a regular basis. It’s about creating self-care habits and routines that sustain and nourish you so that you can be the best version of yourself to enjoy and show up for this precious life of yours.

Even more than that, being kind to yourself is about treating yourself the way you treat others – with honesty, respect, fairness, compassion and kindness. After all, I bet you speak to your loved ones in a far kinder way than you’d ever speak to yourself!

Being kind to yourself takes practice. We’re often conditioned to be our own worst enemies and harshest critics.

Let’s try to redress the balance, be our own best friend and afford ourselves the same kindness as we’ve been taught to give to others.

It’s something that I’ve gotten better at over the years and it’s benefitted not only me but those around me. So, if you struggle with self-care, why not reframe your thoughts and do it for those you love too!

11 WAYS TO BE KIND TO YOURSELF

Here are 11 ways to be kind to yourself. Simple ideas you can practice regularly to show your body and mind some kindness, respect and self-compassion.

1. Healthy daily habits

The small things you do daily can effect big changes in your life. Self-care and kindness is no different. It may feel unrealistic to dedicate hours in a day or an entire weekend just to yourself, but that doesn’t mean you can’t show kindness to yourself in other ways.

Create some healthy daily habits for your morning and evening routines, your eating and exercise and how you maintain your home. Find regular time for checking in with yourself, doing something you love each day and finding a little calm and quiet out of your busy schedule.

2. Practice gratitude

A regular gratitude practice reshapes how you think about your life. It encourages us to slow down and savour what we have, instead of chasing more or different. Be proud of your achievements and for the direction you’ve chosen in life which brings you right here, right now. Maybe you’re right where you need to be?

3. Use kind words

Positive self-talk is powerful. Be aware of the language and tone you use when you communicate with yourself. I bet it’s harder and harsher than if you were speaking to your kids or partner! Why do we think it’s acceptable to speak to ourselves in such a negative way and how do we think we’re going to get the best out of ourselves?

Listen to how you speak to your loved ones and how the tone you use brings out the best (or the worst) in whoever you’re talking to! Be supportive, encouraging, and loving. You can be firm and still be kind.

You might find this article interesting on the power of words and their psychology.

4. Be mindful and present

I used to put off self-care and being kind to myself because it wasn’t a priority. I was too busy rushing through life and looking after other people that I didn’t have time to look after myself. When I did snatch a moment for me, I was still thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight, or those urgent emails lurking in my inbox. Although I was physically present, in my mind I was always elsewhere.

Practicing mindfulness and learning to be more present in whatever I was doing at the time was key. I gave myself permission to take time and space for me. Not squeezed in between anything else or doing or thinking about something else at the time.

Mindful.org has some great resources and mindfulness practices which you might enjoy.

5. Be responsible for yourself

You know yourself better than anyone and you usually know what you need if you listen to what your body and mind is saying. Sometimes we ignore the signals or we might not know exactly what’s wrong but we’re aware that something is off and needs to change. Yet we often sweep problems under the carpet, pretend they don’t exist or trust our gut and ourselves enough to make intentional changes and improvements.

Although I understand why we do this – I’ve even done it myself on many, many occasions, so I know how hard it can be and we sometimes need help and support. Ultimately though, I do think we should be individually responsible for our choices, decisions and actions wherever possible. We do ourselves a disservice by not addressing problems, making excuses and apportioning blame. At the end of the day, all we’re doing is letting ourselves down and those we love.

Be kind to yourself by taking responsibility for what you do and how you do it. If something needs to change, then take action to make those changes. Don’t wait for them to happen or for someone else to do them for you.

6. Enjoy nature

If you follow me on Instagram you’ll find plenty of photos of plants, trees, flowers and my walks in the stories or the highlights. I love being out in nature and find that it calms and grounds me. If my day is busy, I try to take a walk, even just for 5 or 10 minutes, to give my body some exercise and my brain a break. If I don’t have time for a walk, I try to take 15 minutes because I find that’s when I need nature most.

“A walk in nature walks the soul back home.”

Mary Davis

7. Be less busy

As I mentioned above, when I’m too busy then I don’t have time for me or the people and things that matter to me. There is so much value to be had in having less not more, whether it’s stuff in our home or stuff in our schedule. Give yourself breathing room and flexibility by being less busy. Learn how to make time for yourself without feeling guilty and fill that blank space with joy, peace and kindness – in whatever way that looks like to you.

8. Rest and recharge

One of the beautiful side effects of being less busy is not only less on your to do list or appointment calendar, but more free time to rest and recharge your internal batteries. Be kind to yourself and take that nap, meditate for a few minutes, tend your garden, cuddle your kids, relax with your partner.

What does rest and recharge look like to you? If you’ve forgotten or don’t know, maybe it’s time to remind yourself. Kindness comes in many shapes and forms. Try these 10-minute self-care ideas for some quick self-kindness tips!

9. Practice acceptance and forgiveness

Nothing is more unkind that comparing yourself to others, chastising yourself for making mistakes, regretting past decisions or harbouring a grudge. These are unkind because they may be unfair and unfounded but mostly because they take up your energy which could be better spent making the wrongs right and improving ‘future you’ instead of telling off the ‘past you’.

Be kind to yourself by focusing on all that you are today. Speak positive affirmations over yourself every morning, use these journal prompts for self-care and self-love. Forgive or forget the past wherever possible and look forward to today and tomorrow.

If you ever feel tired out, worn down or in need of some TLC, perhaps it’s time to do something just for YOU! Use the Ultimate Self-Care Toolkit to help you build a realistic, easy and supportive self-care plan for your body and mind to become your BEST SELF! Click here to learn more…

10. Lose the guilt around self-care

Guilt is a powerful emotion but it’s not always helpful. How many times have you put yourself on the back-burner because you feel guilty for spending time, energy, money (*insert your own choice of resource here) on yourself? Too many times I’m guessing!?

Just because you practice regular self-care as a way of being kind to yourself, it doesn’t mean you do this to the exclusion of anything else or that you’ve absolved all your other responsibilities. It just means you’re looking after yourself like you look after everyone else. You can make time for anything if you prioritise it well enough. It just depends on how much you prioritise yourself.

11. Invest in yourself

Whether it’s time, money or energy, investing in yourself is a wonderful act of self-kindness. There’s only one you and being the best you means you can give the best OF you to the people who need it most.

Don’t be afraid to pursue hobbies, train for new skills, seek support if you need it, create the perfect capsule wardrobe that makes you feel fantastic, join an evening class, book a holiday. Invest in yourself towards something that grows your mind, broadens your horizons and brings you happiness.

Try these tips on how to reset your life and get the most out of it!

CAN YOU BE KIND TO YOURSELF?

I hope you found these ideas helpful. I’d love to know whether you’re kind to yourself or are you kind to others but hard on you? How have you found ways to practice regular self-care and self-compassion? Did it get easier with practice? If you’d like to share your thoughts, I’d love to hear from you. Leave a note in the comments!

SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE

Being kind to yourself doesn’t always come easy, especially if you’re pushed for time and lacking in energy and mental space. It can just feel like yet another thing to do or remember. Honestly, I get it, because I felt like that too!

What did really help me find time for me was to simplify the things that I had to do and which took up my time and energy, so I had more of that time and energy left for me and what mattered to me.

If a simplified life sounds great but feels a long way off, then I encourage you to take Simplify Your Life.

It’s my popular little course to help kick-start your own simplicity journey. Find out what’s complicating your life (hint – it’s not just your physical stuff!) and how you can make space for ease and joy instead.

Learn more here.